I've been running

i thought i lost myself,
changing into something else
lots of questions asked
none of the answers matched.

i've been running from the future
much too afraid of what it brings,
cancelled all my plans for life
trapped with my past in a box.

where is all the love now?
all the passion running low
heard the 'l' word died
holding my soul.

I wasn't ready for your storm
but you are teaching me life
slow steps towards happinness
I'm holding your hand gently.

I want to shout out loud
I am happy now with you
Love lives again smiling
Changing my world is you IS :)

It's time

it's time to open wide the door
breathing in and out slow,
i'm inviting you inside
come on, have some courage!

close all the doors of your past
walk in and take the present
i want to be your last
time for you to take your place.

it's time for you to be loved
to take your place in my heart
learning how to trust, to dream
flying high by my side.

don't be afraid, don't shiver
all the cold is gone
it's time for a long summer
full of smiles and love.

i sometimes

i sometimes stumble
can't keep my balance and fall
i sometimes look at you and lie
and you believe it all.

i sometimes think you don't exist
as evidence of you is lost
i sometimes give up the fight
and let it all go.

i sometimes say i'm sorry
when there is no way out
i sometimes run away
but it keeps catching up.

i sometimes feel i'm falling for you
can't keep my distance
i sometimes look at you and lie
repeating to myself you're my mistake.

somewhere

somewhere you are all in the back
lost in between my words
contemplating on what i said
that is where you are.

life is a game of truth
can't be won by cheating
so i'll play hard
as long as you're all in the back.

i've thrown the bate and ran,
you can fight all you want today,
my treasure is in my bag,
left you all in the back.

i'm all alone for my next move,
the winning love of all is mine.
this is what i got ready for,
one last fight.

The big picture

taking pictures of my life
memories for later,
ten thousand words unheard
colours everywhere i look.

i'm in the middle of my picture
but that is not where i belong,
not where i want to grow old
i'm saving up that space for love.

you'll come around someday and see
the empty space that needs you,
words and pictures incomplete
crying out your name constantly.

i'm waiting patiently for us
for me to be in the middle of your picture
for you to see my ten thousand words,
love will glue our lives together.

I'm loving you

from the first time i saw you
in a very crowded place
your beauty jumped in my face
i loved you.

your thoughts, your ideas
the sound of your voice
the way you told me you can't
i even loved that.

staring at eachother
the mystery in your eyes
the softness of your lips
i loved you even when we didn't kiss.

i love you now more than ever
you took down my walls
gave me the freedom i longed for
i love you more.

don't be afraid

i close my eyes for a moment
make a little wish in my mind
you are in front of me
crying your soul out for him.

this makes me wonder all over again,
what is love nowadays?
what is it if not the passion
to make the one you love happy.

deeds to cover all the needs,
are more important than words
it is better if you never say 'i love you'
as long as you show it everyday.

my little wish won't come true
as i wished for you to be happy,
you'll never be though
not as long as you're afraid.

Walls

outside the massive walls you built
are my own massive walls
you want to keep everyone out
i don't want to get outside.

every now and again we break them down
speak great words, hug, looks and almost love
but then we hurt and we build them back
my massive walls, your massive walls.

will always be apart as it gets dark
i have some of your secrets inside my walls
you have some of my tears inside yours
maybe we should swap and move along.

there is nothing that can bring these walls down
love is not strong enough to help us
not coming from inside our broken hearts
i've locked hope out and built my walls tall,
you?

Stay away

as i say the magic words
the words i kept locked inside
in the safe of my heart
you blew it up and apart
grabbed it all and ran
but now you're back.

what made you come back around?
did the love i gave you finish?
do you need another shot?
do you need a shoulder to cry on?
there is nothing here for you love,
no smiles, no words, no patience.

listen close, it's only coming once
there are so many things i regret
but you are the biggest one
your face is beautiful, your soul is dead
so get away from my love.

i am sorry for giving you my magic words
for making you my princess
for trusting your love again
start running and run far away.

today,
i fall on my knees,
look at the blue sky
crying for the past
praying for the future.

yesterday,
i was running on the wrong path
thought i could rule the world
the wrong kind of love
suffocating my heart.

tomorrow,
i will be better then today
help everyone around
the Jesus love burning up
i now have a servant's heart.

23:33

this room is filled with emptiness
i am not even here
my presence is absent
my noise has been silenced.

my dreams are broken by a whisper
hopes are flying out of reach
words are slowly dying
as i try to gently speak.

the pain in this moment is eternal
it will never hurt like this again
nightmares make it easier
love's not even in the picture.

a lost sound makes it to my ear
as i snap out from the land of the lost
there is nothing bigger
than a whisper of love.

Late

its late, very late
my eyes are heavy
im almost asleep
my thoughts are all over

i think of you for a second,
for a dream we are again
flying towards a past
this dream aint gonna last.

open my eyes wide, look around
no past, no you, just light
just future yet to come
a little bit left of the now.

drops of pain fall away,
replaced by smiles instantly
there is no us where i am
it might have been in vain.

This poem

this poem was meant for you
for happy days and smiles
was meant to show a greater love
but now it's killing me.

the words have changed in time
it bites my soul again and again
this poem is against me
hiding in my journal.

it comes out every now and then
reminds me of my past
bites and hides again
leaving a cold shiver behind.

could rearrange the words
or even change'em
could run away somewhere new
or i could stay with you.

Lack of inspiration

can't offer you anythin you don't have,
i don't claim to be the one
there are so many things i dont know
yet here i am in front of you.

there are no words for this
just images blocked in my head
you, hugging me slowly
me falling in love.

i just want to confess all my thoughts
wish you were the one
some words could help me now
nothing can brake the silence though.

Don't be afraid

'don't be afraid' i slowly whisper
as the sunset falls
and the people fade away.
'i'll be here'.

grab my hand gently and smile
today the future looks better
there are no storms to come
not when you're with me.

let this love fill you
raise you up to the sky
forget about the tears
forget about the rain.

this is what i feel
happiness is real
your image makes my dreams
your words heal my hurts.

falling slowly

your little stories, smiles
your laugh, talk, walk
your eyes, your gentle soul
amazing words can't describe.

here we are again tonight
sourounded by people yet alone
should i hug you? kiss you?
maybe just smile and leave.

my body won't listen to my brain
it wont move my feet,
i just want to look at you
my heart is in control again.

With you in mind...

i don't want to hear about love,
don't want to shiver when i see you,
don't want my pulse to go through the roof
don't want my heart broken.

yet here i am in front of you,
if you could read my thoughts
probably slap me and run,
wish i could kiss you now.

the wind is playing with your hair
i'm looking at your hand
i'd like to hold it for a lifetime
confess everything i feel.

Useful

a little window opened in your heart
waiting around i noticed something
things started falling outside
yet i caught them all.

another window opened wide
tears started falling fast
caught them all in a glass
so it wouldnt touch the cold ground.

knocking gently at your door
hoping you will open
so i can give your things back
finaly move on from your heart.

the door slowly opened letting me in
the mess i found inside,
the look on your face
sadness was all around.

cleaned everything up and gave you a hug
nice perfumes everywhere arounds us.
a loud knock at the door scared me,
you left your past in, threw me out.

Lost and found

i came to cry at your feet
from long and distant roads
for a while i was lost
yet, you met my need.

i came to be a servant in your house,
no longer the son you desired,
yet you put a ring on my finger
that shows i am forgiven.

i came to eat merely a loaf of bread
not the calf you sacrificed
my clothes were all threads
yet, you dressed me like a prince.

i came to you expecting judgement
yet you told me not to cry,
'Laugh, now my son, rejoice,
You were dead but now you're alive'.

this soul of mine

sometimes this soul of mine
feels so numb, so out of place
lost in a forest of souls
lost deep within itself.

the emptiness of my dreams
the nothingness of my aspirations
makes my soul bleed tears
crawl in a cave of desparation.

every now and again you shine on it
you make it fluffy and happy
everything seems so simple and easy
when you are holding my soul.

between now and again is a gap of pitch black
where my senses get lost and i lose track
my soul hides so deep within itself
that it seems frozen and dark.

Circle of life

I sank in a darkness
that blinded me
Not even an image
No picture, no clue.

My head was very heavy
So i slowly touched my face
I was wearing all these masks
Now all of them at once.

Fearfully i started touching them
Everytime i did, it brought back memories
of what i had been and when,
Tried to find my real face, but it was no more

Removing them was not an option
As the pain was terrible trying
I was happy i couldn't see myself
But i felt the masks - liar, lustful, broken, too-good-to-be-true, disspointing
and so much more.

Suddenly a tiny light showed up
Following my instincts i retreated
The light just got bigger and bigger
A human form walked out of it.

Mesmerized by its beautiful release
I froze as it was coming towards me
With a huge smile on its face it got close
It was a very happy man i noticed.

I saw a reflection of myself in his eyes,
and i collapsed to the ground terrified.
My ugliness wash horrible and damaging
Yet he raised me up.

Gently he started removing my masks
The pain was killing me but he was holding my hand.
One after another he threw them into the light
And my masks were gone forever.

I was staring him in the eye
When i saw my real face reflection
The monster i've become now
Wished for my masks back.

Gently he started fixing my face
It looked better and better as he washed it in something red
The smile on his face was healing me
The light around us making me hope.

He slowly reached inside me
Made my heart beat differently
Then broke some of his light
And planted it in my body.

He, then, dissapeared but the light was still there
I felt him inside me now
Could hear his thoughts whispering
I looked around amazed and scared
The light was coming from me now
As i walked to someone's darkness

Every now and then you break my heart

I stand somewhere in the distance
look at you and remember,
all the games we have played
nothing matters now, we've lost.

what can we share now,
how could we go back to us?
the wind blowing in my face
you are freezing my heart out.

it's nothing but a heartache
it comes and goes every now and then
i would love to hug you again
to kiss and love and hold you.

i admit defeat and give up
you're not coming back
every now and then i miss you
every now and then you break my heart.

Blood in my mouth

i've had enough of this
living out of a suitcase
hoping that someday you'll call
you'll want me back.

lately i can't feel you at all
i can't feel my hands
can't sleep anymore
still waiting alone.

you promised me heaven,
the definiton of love
haven't seen your face in so long
starting to get lost.

woke up facing the ground
blood in my mouth
i've had enough of you,
time to move on.

captive

you've tied me to a metal chair
with ropes i can't break
you come by every day
then you go away.

is it day, is it night?
i have lost the track
you came again in the darkness
but this time you hit me.

made me your slave, locked away.
are my eyes opened or closed?
so much darkness around me
blow after blow until you are tired.

what did i do to deserve this?
how did i hurt you so bad?
my heart is awake again
it cries out freedom.

ups and downs

i've said so many times,
i'll never leave
always be close by
you'll never miss me.

you trusted all my words
never asked a question
you thought i was saving you
that i was your refuge.

you gave me all your thoughts
crafted wonderfully with tears
all your secrets laid out
thought i have the answers.

you started building new on me
with passion and love alltogether
with smiles and happiness
all i could say was 'yes'.

but i can't do this now, love
i'm only human myself
falling into a void of hoplessness
catch me, hold me, save me please.

locked

locked away in a fortress
sourrounded by solitutde
away from the eyes of the world,
away from the hurting word.

a glimpse of the outside
sun shining, its warmth
could love ever set me free?
what else is outhere for me?

just one last wish burdens my soul
there is no night and day here
no other human being
still wish someone would break in.

could someone fall in love with me?
the monster i've become
that's why i'm locked away in here.
will love set me free?

punishment

no words have power to show
meaning of the feelings inside
sorry means nothing at all
not even stopping time would matter.

you have the right to hit me,
slowly hurt and destroy this soul
as it brought you to your knees
start hurting me now.

close my eyes and stop crying
waiting for your hits
come on, bring it as hard as you can
i deserve all the pain.

is it over yet?
can i open my eyes?
why can't i feel anything?
am i still alive?

choice

i trapped time in a box
started walking all the way
now time won't be a problem
we can live forever in this second.

my steps are small and weary
i've been walking for a month now
frozen pictures all around me
i'm not in a hurry but i'll get there.

angry thoughts surround me
wild animals that want to devour
what if you don't want me?
is time the one keeping us apart?

outside your house, your paradise
don't know if i can take a 'no'
tears in my eyes as i walk past
release the time and move on.

quest

these are not my dreams,
not my purposes at all
tak'em away now please
let me be free!

i seem to have lost myself
somewhere along the road
this is not me at all
i don't feel free!

blury, faded memories far away
battles and wars in the past,
who is this me i am now?
i still am not free!

where could i be?
maybe lost in the maze of the soul
shouts and fights to bring me back
i just wanna be free!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! WE CELEBRATE JESUS ALONE